Chapter 4: The Beginning of the Future

What was in that Christmas present was a certificate for sessions with a personal trainer, Erica, and two airplane tickets to anywhere in the continental United States. Wow! Frank did good on the Christmas gift! In June, we would have our 25th wedding anniversary and everything seemed to come together for me. I wanted to be able to go on a trip with my husband and enjoy the time without having to worry or struggle physically. I was tired of feeling tired and not being happy with what I saw in the mirror. I wanted to look like the person I knew I was inside.

I spent the month of January trying to get my schedule together with Erica's schedule. Finally, we met for the first time at the end of January. That initial meeting was more like an interview. I was asked what my goal was and why I wanted to work with her. Hmmm, my goal. What was my goal? Then I heard my voice saying that I wanted to become more physically fit. Yes, that's it. Of course, I would like to lose the weight too but really it is about being more physically fit. I wanted to feel like I could physically enjoy life. I reluctantly went through an initial weighing and measurement session. There, we have all of the initial data. The next thing I knew I was looking at a food and exercise log. "Fill this out for me this week," Erica said. "Then we will talk about it." Oh great, what does what I eat have to do with anything? I agreed to it, even though I told my husband later that I might as well have what I wanted to eat since I had a feeling it might be the last time I did for a while. I figured that there was nowhere to go but up.

A few days later, I had my first personal training session with Erica. I went to her house where she had her own studio in the basement complete with machines and other tools. "Step up on the treadmill," she said. "You're kidding, right?" I asked. "No, I'm not." I cautiously stepped on the treadmill. A treadmill moves under your feet. I expressed my apprehension about it and got a "well, let's just try." Erica turned the treadmill on at the lowest level and I freaked. "I can't do this," I declared. "Ok." The treadmill was stopped. "It will be harder but we'll find other ways for you to warm up." She asked me if I rode on escalators and I described my experiences to her. Later she confided in me that she never had a client who couldn't do the treadmill. This showed that my physical issues had definitely affected my thinking. You have to believe you can do something before you can do it. I had stopped believing in me.

I made it through that first session and decided once I went home that I was going to do one of two things: either I would indeed improve in every area or I would prove that working with a personal trainer wasn't going to work either. After all, I had tried many times programs like Weight Watchers and joined several different gyms at different points in my life. None of it had worked to this point. So I would do everything in my power to make this work. If it didn't work, it wasn't going to be because of me.